Benchmarks

I used to hate them... they were different at different stages in life, but they were always there.. at every stage - to mock, to ridicule.. to dare, to challenge, to provoke..
and they were never the same person... from the kid who got better marks than me in class 1 to the one who got the first prize in music/ quiz/ debate... to the cousin who managed to get an engineering/medicine admission to some slightly older distant relative who managed to go to the US... to the peer who got into IIT to the ones who earn more than me now... the challenges were good in the beginning, and with luck playing a major part, the ego used to have many days to gloat.. until one day, it finally dawned on me that if it continued in the same fashion, the battles would never end, there would always be a new 'benchmark person' around the corner... and also, that while i was chasing 'targets', i was automatically becoming a target myself... i was also gradually becoming the 'benchmark persons' i hated.....
i stopped active participation..and followed the floyd mantra as in 'the fletcher home memorial'
"take your overgrown infants ,
and build them a home,
a place of their own'......."
"..did they expect us to treat them with any respect,
they can polish their medals and sharpen their smiles,
and abuse themselves playing games for a while,
boom boom bang bang lie down you're dead........"

but sometimes i wonder if i have actually got rid of them ... because even now, when i am seemingly 'in control' of my life, and forced justifications arent necessary.. i guess they still exist in my mind..but times are different, i dont acknowledge battles now, i sneak up, in my own time, and move on...hehe...not a nice habit, i know.... old habits die hard.... but die they will.....
until next time, be game....

P.S : message for ash : cant comment on your site. they accuse my IP of spamming .. :(

The Bestseller

She sighed, putting the final touches to her latest creation. one would have thought that after so many of them, lethargy would set in and she would stop. but no, it was as though she understood that she was in a league of her own, and on her depended the future. well, if truth be told, in her line of work, she was the past, present and future.
sometimes she wondered if people really had a choice. not really, because if she discounted the guy whose very existence was thanks to her (he added his own flavours to her creations, and rarely took pains to be original), she had unchallenged supremacy. but these days, he was suddenly becoming more than a slight irritant, because his flavours were fast growing in popularity. she often wondered why, because personally, he found his style quite morbid and gruesome.
she also wondered if she should style herself that way,but she loved her characters too much, many of whom were quite famous in their own right, sometimes rivalling her in terms of fan clubs and cults. but she didnt mind that, after all they were her creations. maybe his flavours were just a fad, and would pass.
she smiled to herself thinking of the debates that went on in her name, the ones she triggered through her creations, mostly because she was not a public figure (she believed her work spoke for itself and did not warrant public appearances) and therefore, an easy subject to speculative minds. sometimes, in a particularly naughty mood, she would hint that she was not a woman, but a man; sometimes even say that she was not one, but a set of entities.
she was sure her latest creation would also be a bestseller, just like all the ones before. and like all the ones before, there would be reactions ranging from love to hate, anger to awe, and despair to hope, and they would use her name again, in vain or in a lighter vein - 'GOD'!!

until next time, dont lose your character!!

Next Blog >>

There have been a few times where i have pressed that particular button on the top right corner..most times curious whether i would find somebody from my list as the next blog.. that would be a good random experience/ coincidence, isnt it?
these travels take me to blogs of various kinds, many of them in languages i cant understand.. some of them with the regular blogger templates and others in which people have put in a lot of effort on the template and customised it totally... but the majority of those blogs usually have zilch visitors, and mind you, some of them are quite good... and again, many of these have been around for quite some time..i wonder what motivates them to keep on writing..
frankly, inspite of the 'i write for myself' philosophy, i couldnt dream of sustaining the blog if none of you guys commented... i guess its a matter of mindset - expectations from the blog... i think the reason why blogger has that button has some similarity with my reason for blogging..a search for people who think like me, well maybe not like me, but think something that will interest me..
the reason for this discourse, you ask? a certain aquatic lifeform :) commented sometime back that the 'right clique' was growing.. i started off a reply and realised that it was a postable thought.. and in these desperate times, when, like bollywood, good subjects are so hard to come by, such thoughts are precious..hehe..well, the reasons why the clique is changing - adding blogs that interest me, linking back people who are kind enough to link me, deleting blogs which are confirmed to be inactive (i'm sure hek will be back soon :) ), deleting blogs whose content do not appeal anymore (extremely rare cases), deleting blogs whose owners wouldn't mind me taking them off. in fact, i would go a step further, they wouldn't know i put them here, so they wouldnt know i took them off either..hehe.
so thats why the list keeps changing... because though all blogs are special places, those on my list are extra special to me..
until next time, specialise ;)

Darna Mana hai / 2

the title because it has been inspired by RGV's 'Darna mana hai'.. 6 stories, one ending..here we have only 3, but all have the same ending..
Story 1 : Shot of a young chap grinning from ear to ear as he greets his old friends at a night club...A red car cuts a screeching turn as its driver competes with an old lady for the same parking space. Our hero stops the roughneck, starts a conversation. Looking lost, the driver tries to recognise our hero. Stalling for time, our hero continues with the conversation by complimenting his friend on his biceps. Finally he says, "Hai na Bunty?" But the tough guy turns out to be someone else! By this time... the old lady deftly glides her car into the parking lot much to the chagrin of the roughneck. He goes back to his friends who compliment him. zoom to his face, he says...

Story 2: An award nite for ads. The winning company's top exec goes on stage to pick up the award, while the team looks on. Once on stage, he beckons to the team to join him on the stage. teamspirit... and how does boss celebrate, zoom to his face, he says...

Story 3 : he held on for as long as he could. finally he walked painful steps to the teacher and whispered something to her. sadist that she was, the 2nd standard class teacher looked at her watch, 20 minutes left for close of class. she told him, "only 20 minutes left, wait"he refused to give up, and looked pleadingly at her.
*a rare moment of understanding*.
she said "okay , go, but come back soon!". as he stood in the loo, and felt a wave of relief, zoom to his face, he says...

The ending
"number 1, mera number 1"

ever since i saw McDowell's surrogate advertising, this one was coming!!
until next time, hold on to your high spirits.

Leaving on a jetplane

Son: I'll be leaving soon
Dad: Where? Why?
S: I've figured out my career plans
D: thats good news, so i guess you must've chosen your college
S: Yes
D: you almost scared me, hope you have chosen someplace nearby, so you can come home often
S: thats what i wanted to speak to you about, i want to go abroad
D: abroad!! i think i know where... but why? you have the best places to study here.
S: maybe, but it helps to have a global perspective.
D: but what about your culture, religion.. you are at an age when you can be easily influenced by their thoughts, customs
S: that could happen here too, and i guess, it already is..
D: yes, but there you hardly have any relatives, there's no one to watch out for you
S: thats how we learn, dad!! besides what about all those cousins of mine, i thought you were quite proud of them, the way you used to go on with 'how well that boy is doing now.." besides thats the most happening market now.
D: its all just a phase, a fantasy waiting to be shattered and what if you end up like one of your illustrious cousins, marrying one of them?! your mom would die of a broken heart!!
S: Dad, you are just letting your imagination run wild. as for the shattering,they have been saying that for decades now!!
D: maybe, but i dont think the locals take kindly to us going there and taking away their jobs.
S: its just survival , dad.. whoever gets it done cheaper!! and look at the scene here, unemployment is rampant!!
D: but we are improving, nowadays they say that cutting edge tech work gets done here...
S: no, dad, thats what everyone thinks, but the real action gets done there.. its certainly our guys, but despite whatever we claim, we still only have a miniscule share of the software pie!! and who knows, maybe i'll come back here and work..
D: thats what they all say, but they end up settling there... they even have a term for it - brain drain!!
S: the job is a decision i shall take later, but i have decided, i am going to India!!

a conversation i hope will happen in the US,a few decades from now!

until next time, remember that a broad isnt everything!!

Losing the marbles

"You didnt reply to my letter",said the younger one, A.
"which one?", the elder, M, responded.
A: the one in which i questioned some decisions taken at the sports club's last meeting on the marbles.
M: i had asked the club secretary to respond. as president, i dont have time to reply to all the letters that come to me. and if you wanted to tell me something, you could have spoken, instead of sending a letter.
A: maybe, but a letter from the vice president of the club is not exactly any letter,specially when the subject is the last meeting and the decisions taken then. and more so, if the decision has to do with the marbles, our principal assets.
M: i was only putting the rights i already had, on paper.
A: thats arguable.
M: Dad had always said that the elder son, thats me, would be in control, though the ownership is for both of us. ask ma.
(Ma: dont involve me. your dad started the club and ran it. i have no idea about its activities.)
A: which means i'll have no say in any decision on the marbles.
M: not so, just that i will be taking the final decison
A: but many of the marbles are doing well now because of my efforts.
M: maybe, but they wouldnt be anything now without the entire set. stand alone, their value would crash in a jiffy.
A: your itch isnt about the sports club at all, is it? its about me standing for the school election and getting elected.
M: i dont even want to talk about it. you didnt even ask me for an opinion. and if you were so interested in the club activities and playing with marbles, you wouldnt be in school politics. i bet that silly girlfriend of your must be the brain behind it,since she's into the cultural scene herself.
A: my intention was only to get more support for the club activities at the school. and ifyou were so interested in my life and activities at the club, you would have ventured an opinion without me asking for it. and i dont think you need to bring my girlfriend into this. in any case, yours was also very much into dance till recently!!
M: whats the point discussing all this now? what do you want from me?
A: either more powers as VP of the club or independent control of the marbles whose reputation i built.
M: the board will have to decide that.
A: whats the use, since dad's death, you have been playing around, garnering votes. now, many of the old guys have left, and the rest are your puppets.
M: thats an unjust accusation.
A: i think i will have to move in other ways to get whats rightfully mine.
M: thats your wish.
The vultures were waiting and this was when they decided to come to the party. As one onlooker put it, after the founding father's death, it was only a matter of time before the sons lost their marbles, literally!!
until next time, keep playing games...

The calling...

thats a good band, but this post aint about them, its about us..
virtual acquaintances- to each other, thats mostly what we are..
my tryst with yahoo messenger began during my post grad days, i think it was the place where 'manuscrypts' as a term originated... all my yahoo friends were people who were known to me 'really'.. so there was no question of 'virtual personalities'..it's only blogging where most of the people i know are 'virtual personalities'.. to a certain extent, they are only as virtual as their photos online.. but then again,i think i've seen only simon's, pradeep's and wings'. to be fair, images helped me find a cousin who blogs, but that, i think, was only an aberration...i have never been too fond of blogmeets, simply because i love the anonymity and the'someone, somewhere' feeling (no, not the 'made for you' one, a little more ordinary)..
more importantly, to maintain a forum where judgements are made only based on thoughts and words, not the physical manifestations... to put it a lil more bluntly acne, dandruff, body odour etc dont matter on the net.. at a similarly superficial level, nor do complexion, looks etc... personalities are what they write...but, increasingly, i find that more friends are being made on blogs than in real life,maybe because, there is no compulsion, i can read someone's writings, if i like what i read, i'll be back, else i wont.. simple, and no baggage.. and people take hints much better online..hehe..
maybe its easier to reach a comfort level this way, without the regular constraints... the next step in evolution, is to find out whether once the comfort level is achieved, can it be scaled upto the real friends level? times have changed, havent they? from building friendships in the real world and facing the challenge of maintaining them online to building friendships online and facing the challenge of maintaining them in the real world?
someone in the list is coming to bangalore, so here's calling all creatures of the web, what about a meet over coffee??
until next time, virtually yours...

Home run

both posts this week on home, but this week being the way it is, i shall stay with the spirit of things and write a 'homely' post...
all things arranged exactly the way i want it.. and changeable whenever i feel like it... always there whenever i decide to be there... a safe haven, a place where friends come to visit me, a place where i could spend hours on end, a place for which i could spend endless hours shopping..where every little thing is a manifestation of my self in some way or other... a place which could even reflect my changing mood if i so wish...few places could be so comfortable, this place that has been made according tomy specifications and for me...thats what is home.. amazing, home can also be spelled 'blog', and the feeling still remains the same.. maybe they did think about it when they coined 'homepage'....but a question lurks - is it comfort or control that makes home 'home'?
menawhile, here's a good dee for the day... will leave you with some lines from my fave band...
" A long time ago came a man on a track
Walking thirty miles with a pack on his back
And he put down his load where he thought it was the best
Made a home in the wilderness
He built a cabin and a winter store
And he ploughed up the ground by the cold lake shore
And the other travellers came riding down the track
And they never went further, no, they never went back...."
until next time, enjoy your home...

Small Town blues

No, its not about SwB..hehe.. its about guys like me, who have migrated to a bigger city,managed to find a particular groove here, and are comfortable the way they are.. except for the moments when the 'small town blues' hit them...
i have always said that you are lucky if you are born in a big city, no, not because of the neon lights, but because you can choose to spend your entire life in a city you were born in.. of course, all of us do have that choice, but the small town guys make most of their judgements with a lot of constraints' baggage, the biggest these days being job availability...
there is a certan joy of travelling on the same roads, watching things change, going by yourold school, seeing familiar faces, walking in the parks that you played in as a child, feeling the sea wind on your face and watching different ships on the same port, feeling safe, speaking in a language you have been speaking forever, hanging out in places that you know inside out, seeing the night lights - forever growing brighter...
of course floyd has a different version in 'time' -
"kicking around on a piece of ground in your hometown,
waiting for someone or something to show you the way.
tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain,
you are young and life is long and there is time to kill today,
and then one day you find ten years have got behind you,
no one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun."........
(speaking of floyd, please check this out)
but i'd still say that for people born in a big city, there are memories of a time that once was,for us, there are memories of a time and place, that once were.... "but i guess thats why they call it the blues"
until next time, blue is my favourite color

Evolution and the Theory of God

have finished reading a book called 'Tomorrow's God', which got me to relook at my spirituality, thereby adding some twists to my earlier posts on the issue...
though i wtote of a system, i had God in it. this book eliminated God as we know him (to be fair, the book warns of this at the outset)... it spoke of a system, of which everything is a part and evolution happened because random objects/organisms moved to a higher state of frequency randomly.(this might help)..the book vehemently opposes the present version of God, because it believes that things become far too easy when we can blame it on a God over whom we have no control, our actions,our behaviour etc can be easily attributed to the way God made us... actually, we are all messiahs of ourselves with our own selfish agenda.
the book advocates a system, with every part of the system being responsible for whatever happens in the system...that is, all that occurs in the system is our responsibility, collectively and directly proportionate to our actions...it means that whenever we do something, anything, we should also think of the effects that action/inaction will have, not just on ourselves, but everything else in the system...good thought, huh??
but, meanwhile, i also get reminded of mel gibson's words from 'signs'...something that meant "there are two kinds of people in this world... group 1 - who believe that nothing happens by chance.. in times of crisis, deep inside them, they believe that someone is watching over them, that gives them hope... and group 2- who believe that everything is a random occurence.. in times of crisis, deep inside, they know, they are all they've got, that fills them with fear...
until next time, have faith in your god...

soldier of fortune

it wasnt as though he had been forced to go. he had made the choice himself, knowing fully well, the dangers, the obvious ones as well as the hidden ones...this mission was particularly dangerous, because the terrain was unfamiliar. well, not exactly, but times were dangerous now, and the roads on which he once used to whistle aloud, were fraught with danger, danger lurking in every bend..and it was dark..
but the prize was worth it, and he had committed anyway..he started out, moving carefully. though these paths were ones he had done a reconnaisance the same morning, he was careful, because a harmless looking shack could suddenly become a hive of activity.
suddenly the explosions started, but these were the ones he had expected, he gritted his teeth and moved on... there was a period of calm, but as he edged closer towards his target, the explosions began again. he had to be more careful now, because these were not paths he had visited in the morning, and it didnt help that the enemy had dug trenches all over the place...
speaking of the enemy, there were so many of them... and so many weapons, of different kinds.. the world had progressed so rapidly that the weapons he had been trained in were almost obsolete now.. but that was quite some time ago, and he was no longer as young and agile as he once was...
finally he reached his destination, the prize was there, and worth it..he took his time, savouring every moment, but secretly fearful of the return journey...
soon,it was time to go, he knew he had to be more careful now, for the prizehad made him a little less alert. but the consolation was that he knew the paths better now... but that consolation did not last long, because he realised that the explosions had increased.. once, he saw a guy in front of him swerve and struggle to retain control, as a shell exploded right in front of him.
the last stretch proved to be the most difficult, as consecutive explosions behaved as though they were specifically targeting him!!finally, he was back..as he took off his helmet, he moaned at what he had to go through for a dine out on diwali night.. hell, it was no longer a celebration, it was war... and he had indeed been a fortunate soldier to get back in one piece...
until next time, dont burst with excitement!!

Lights... Action!!

four days of holidays ahead, so the grateful self thought he should write a few words about the phenomenon thats making it possible..diwali...
the earliest memories are getting dressed up in the white kurta,pyjama set(the one for special occasions), going into the storeroom, taking out the earthern diyas, cleaning them and arranging them on the window ledges... career highs included being allowed to handle oil and light the diyas myself...
simultaneously happening was the cracker department, which had its own career path- from a rookie user, who was not allowed to handle stuff without permission, to the gradual scaling up of the stuff that could be used..the pinnacle being the rocket, i guess, which had to be launched carefully lest it created a "neighbour's envy, owner's pride' effect in the neighbours'house... and finally , the top seat being the buying of crackers and their division among users.....well, once we reach the peak, the only way is down..
i stopped celebrating the year we shifted residence...did celebrate in patches later, but more as a desperate effort to recreate the magic of the days that were gone... a lost cause that redeemed itself only in the joyful faces i saw around me.......
P.S. though south indians usually use 'deepavali', these days, in our house, it is 'diwali', since 'wali' pronounced slightly differently, means 'fart' in malayalam, and....
until next time, have a blast :)

A piece of history........

this post whirled into my mind, due to a comment made on my shoutbox sometime back... :)
the written word has for long been a great tool for storage - storage of thoughts, of happenings and whatever one feels should be recorded somewhere... of course there are some who feel that a picture would do the trick, but to each his own, is all i'll say about that.. and it doesn't actually matter because this post would also relate to photographs - after all they are also storage devices...
whether it is the written word or the photograph, the creator, at least in his subconscious, feels it is for posterity... a tool which would give himself or others an account of the moment/era in which it was taken, whenever it is seen again.... but as time passes, and i mean, a long time, they either get lost or if they do appear, do so in museums or private collections..i dont know about the photos, but the written words do get called manuscripts.
pieces of history which gives us glimpses of what had been..only glimpses, because though the creator would have wanted it to be a complete explanation, we can only make calculated guesses, and whether we are right in our guesses, is also, only a guess........
millions of bloggers worldwide writing daily accounts/ thoughts on the world they live in, the world of their dreams, technology, music, sex, philosophy, careers... what kind of glimpses will they provide to the people in 4004, words staring back from a visual interface, perhaps loaded from an ancient server...
so, is it history we are typing? our present, someone's history... called manuscrypts, bloughts, whirlwings, jabberwhackies... all with their own explanations.....
until next time, keep making history :)

In my dreams....

a couple of days back, someone told me about a movie called 'waking life'. think its an old movie (2001), but have somehow managed to miss it. in it, there is a hypothesis - what if our dreams were the reality? and the converse.... reminded me of the old one liner-"consciousness - that annoying time between naps".. but what if...
but thats not what this post is about, this is about dreams, the same dreams, but in a different context...
once upon a time people used to have dreams.. a bunch of dreams that would be achieved over a lifetime, and the joy that came about due to the fulfilment of dreams was one of a kind..we have ambitions and aspirations now, but are we dreaming now?
if i had to compare 'dreams' and 'aspirations/ambitions' , i'd say that 'dreams' are more humane. i wonder if you understood that, but i have no tangible way i can share it with you, its just a thought... and the way we have changed 'dreams' into 'ambitions/aspirations'is by making it a lot easier to achieve them.
earlier people dreamt of buying a home, but now its just an emi away, same goes for a car, consumer durables. instant gratificationis the new mantra - from flat screens to flat tummies and from intercourse to interactive TV..
love, which is arguably the biggest dream factory, is also a very attainable thing - from confessionsof love by sms/ e-cards to marrying the one of your choice (which have moved from taboo stage to norm)....the argument would be "isnt it better that way"... yes it is, but not at the cost of dreams..
once upon a time, a guy called lennon said "Imagine all the people living life in peace. You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one." wonder if he would say that now..
until next time, dream
(P.S. the title also happens to be one of my favourite songs :) )

Losing my religion - II

the system
since i essentially slept through the weekend, and had a very uninteresting existence, i thought i would stick to some gyan distribution..tell me when the series gets boring..hehe..
the auto pilot- that which propels us through the mundane things of life,and mundane here is an extremely wide array of things. propels us to do things in a predictable way..the auto pilot is an essential part of the system, but the key is the higher being inside us. if we can find it and awaken it, it will guide us to higher levels of consciousness.
heres an interesting example i picked up from "Tomorrow's God" that best explains the working of the system - consider a rock, it is at a particular frequency..left to itself, it will become a diamond, after eons of temperature/pressure fluctuations..now consider the rock in the hands of a human, who, within hours can get the diamond out of the rock, with his science , because he is at a much higher frequency/ level of consciousness.
from the rock's point of view, the rock is the highest state of frequency,but we humans know it is not. but we humans also think we are at the highest level, no we are not..but the good part is that higher the level of consciousness, the easier it is to move ahead..think about this, millions of years to move from cell to organism, lesser millions of years from organism to 'human' form, tens of thousands of years to move through hunter/gatherer mode, thousands of years to move through agrarian civilisations, hundreds of years to move through industrial revolutions, decades to move through technological revolutions.. if you look closely you will see a movement starting with collective consciousness,(a system whose constituents were aware of its existence) to self consciousness, where we are now.. it is a cycle and now its time we started to think of collective consciousness again....the collective consciousness is the system where conscious thoughts and therefore actions are not based on 'i', but on 'us'.and the collective consciousness is the fastest way to the higher 'us'.
before i extol the system, there is a small deviation i will take...until next time, be conscious....