The wave of relief...

He was shocked when he got the call from the CM's office. actually it was a combination of two shocks, one that the cm of a state could blatantly ask for a bribe, and two, they had found out the truth about his activities...
it was all because of his girlfriend's stupid idea... when they had got into the relationship, she was already an acknowledged star, and he was the star on the horizon.. the entire industry had heaped praise on his acting skills, and were sure that he would be the next big thing in bollywood... but alas, all his films had bombed miserably, and he had gotten coverage for all the wrong reasons...
in a fit of rage, his girlfriend had told him that the only reason she wasnt leaving him was that she didnt want the tag of a 'fair weather' girlfriend... she had a history of ditching her last boyfriend when he needed her most... but that didnt stop her from chiding him, whenever she got the chance... including saying that his theme song should be an mltr song that went ' i'm not an actor, i'm not a star'.... and after she had come back from the international movie festival and tongues started wagging about the hollywood role, she had become intolerable...
that was around the time when the tsunami struck... that was when she came up with what at that time seemed a brilliant idea... she told him that the waves had done their job, and since he wasnt exactly making waves in his trade, he should get some good pr coverage by doing some relief work.. and in her typical bitchy fashion, she had said that his going off would be a relief to her too..
and so he had gone to the inflicted areas, and since he wasnt exactly cut out to do relief work, he had bribed the journalists to do stories about him.. he still remembered how difficult it was to get the natural looking photographs and testimonials.... and now, that state's cm had come to know about it, and was threatening to let the secret out..he decided he couldnt afford to bribe her, he would rather bribe the journalists again, to prevent bad pr...
it was all because of his girlfriend... from now on, he decided he would stand up for himself and be v.oberoi, and stop being what his friends teased him to
be - v. obey rai!!
until next time, sometimes stars get struck too

The Workshop

Thats what he liked to call his mind... for though he had a huge workshop around him, he felt that his mind was where the real workshop was.. at least he had felt so until recently, but things were changing now..
he remembered a time long ago, when he was asked to start from a single room office.. the guys who gave him the responsibility had only a bare vision of what his roles and responsibilities should be.. he had developed the entire operation from scratch...and being very process driven, he had slowly but surely ensured that his workshop was extremely systemic...
and thus over a period of time, people had started to use his services more and more.. in fact a vast majority felt that his serices were an integral part of existence, and that was the way it was meant to be...and thus, as his workshop and its target population became more and more systemic, he began to devote more and more time to think up ways to increase the efficiency of his workshop,and to devise more and more ways to entice his target, and the more thinking he did, the more he felt that his mind was the real workshop...
but these days things were changing..some people had begun to improvise on his services so much that they had done things even before he thought about them... there was nothing he could thinko f that they hadnt done already... he began to feel that there was no work to be done in his mind, his real workshop...
but meanwhile the workshop around him flourished, with more and more souls joining everyday...he felt that the constant heat was taking its toll on him, and maybe it was time to retire...
once upon a time the humans had a saying about him -"an idle mind is the devil's workshop".. but the way humanity was systematically destroying everything that was good, and generally doing his job for him, he felt that it was high time that they changed the saying to "the devil's mind is an idle workshop"....
until next time, whats on your mind??

Child at heart

That he was a special child, his parents knew from the start... and it was not just the usual feeling that all parents had for their children.. he was genuinely different because of his sheer talent for song and dance... and all who saw him perform knew he would have a great future..
but he was raised like a normal child, not that his parents had much of a choice, because they barely made ends meet.. he had a horde of brothers, sisters and cousins, and they had many a gala family gathering..but in spite of all this his parents felt there was something really different about him..
they didnt know whether it was his obsession to look different from his ilk... or his penchant forloneliness... not that he was a compulsive loner, for all though he had never had any girlfriends, he had a battalion of boyfriends who he shared a close bond with... he regularly brought them home, watched videos all night, played songs and generally did a whole lot of things his parents thought were just normal 'boy stuff'...
soon, he lived up to his relatives' predictions and his song and dance made him an internationally acclaimed pop star... but that didnt stop his parents from worrying.. he became obsessed with his looks and his numerous antics regarding his looks made him the laughing stock among his peersand the general public.. and somewhere in between he had a broken marriage as well..but that was their least of their worries..
he was still bringing boys home, and the things he did with them were not exactly 'boy stuff', even by his parents standards..he apparently didnt want to grow up, but that wasnt the only thing he had in common with Peter Pan... he had a ranch he called Neverland.. he brought kids there, played games with them, and when the stories got out, he landed in court...
and gave a whole new meaning to the phrase'boys will be boys'....
until next time, games that you play in childhood....

The final act

He was happy for a lot of reasons, but two things primarily - one was that he had achieved whatever he had set out to do in life.. and the other was that the governing body had given the go ahead for his final act.. he had been sure he would get the approval while he had given the application, but then, governing bodies were a strange lot..
the approval was a two stage process, the first step was a basic application indicating the profile of the person giving it.. the governing body would decide whether the person could still perform an active role in society, and if he/she could, try to convince the person to do it, but that was just a formality... the second step was when one had to give the time and procedure chosen..the authority would then notify the next of kin, and put up a notice seeking whether anyone had an objection ..the objection, if any, and the right of the person objecting would both be scrutinised by the authorities before giving the final approval.. again, this step was also a formality since the applicant would have already announced his decision to the people concerned (who could object)..
a few days back, he had just gotten the final approval from the governing body for what was known as 'euthanasia'.legal killing was what the critics called it.. but after decades of legal wrangling, the majority had voted for it... in fact, they even made a procedure for people who were not in a position to request it themselves... the majority considered it a part of the society maturing, but there were people who still believed that He should be allowed to do His work...
but today was the day he had chosen for his final act... he had decided for it, when his wife had had a natural death a few years back and he had become alone, since their kids lived elsewhere and rarely had time for him.. stereotypical, he thought...
he had just had dinner at his favourite restaurant, and was on his way to the hospital where he would get his final injection.. he was still thinking deeply about whether he had left anything incomplete, since there would be no coming back...and that was why he saw the truck too late... his last thoughts were, "so long as i die.."
until next time, lets propose, and let Him dispose...

Bollywood Dictionary for Dummies

actor: may land up in the couch for different reasons.
actress: the driving force on the couch .
blockbuster: a wonderful actress usually guarantees it .
behind the scenes: careful, thats where the news agency guys are..
climax: go on, pretend you dont know what that is .
call sheet:given to the actress/filmmaker to know when they are supposed to arrive and where .
camera: the filmmaker should always make sure there isnt one...
anti climax: when theres a news agency involved in what would have been a climax..
cartoon: thats what the filmmaker becomes if he gets caught .
casting: what they do after the couch .
casting couch: the couch used for casting .
chemistry: what the actress is supposed to exhibit on the couch .
costume: usually minimal .
credits: should be given for a good performance .
critic: they dont approve of the casting couch .
cross over: change in position on the couch .
cues: a good actress should always understand them .
debut: the actress' first couch experience .
dialogue: the actress' should be enticing, the filmmaker doesnt have any..
director's cut: when the filmmaker is a director.
documentary: boring activity on the couch .
double take: please see take .
extras: only if the filmmaker insists. with good performances, they might be a threat to the actress.
filmmaker: the guy to please on the couch, most often producer, but could also be director. actor, and yes, even villain .
flashback: a feeling of deja vu for the filmmaker .
flop:a non performer, but the actress to be blamed, never the filmmaker .
frame: thats what the filmmaker claims when he gets caught .
industry: a collection of filmmakers .
in-the-can: the trip to the loo after the couch activity .
lip sync: ideally the actress shouldnt, but refer take .
make up: kiss before doing it .
method acting: when the actress has done it before .
miscast: the filmmaker's excuse for a flop .
overacting: usually happens when the actress is faking .
plot: what the actress/news agency does to get the filmmaker on the couch .
preview: foreplay before the couch. usually only for big fimmakers .
release: refer climax .
remake: a repeat performance, usually happens due to lack of subject/actress .
screenplay: the activity on the couch .
script: a nitty gritty version of the plot .
slow motion: some filmmakers love doing it that way .
story: every actress has one .
take: you have to,if the filmmaker insists .
word of mouth publicity: what a blockbuster gets .
zoom: only deals with page 3 now, but would be interested in couch activities too..

until next time, Koffee on the Kouch??

Where credit is due....

Today he would know whether he would get one. the credit card company's executive had just called and asked for an appointment... he had been wanting one ever since he had seen sachin showing off his in the ad, while encouraging others to get it... but he couldn't apply for it then, being busy with his career...and later, just when he thought he would apply for one, he had gotten busy again, with things ranging from work and peer pressure to riots....
not that he needed it desperately, for his influence was huge, but it was helpful when you were going abroad, and was much better than carrying cash... he had applied for the latest card in the market, the one named after the famous island in new york.. it was only appropriate since he would be going there shortly..
he had known that all the applications were just a formality, for once they got to know who he was, they would only be too happy to give him a card...just then, the executive came, but contrary to his expectations they had rejected his application.. he was irate and screamed at the executive , "do you know who i am?"
" yes sir, but theres nothing we can do here. since it was top priority we had sent it to our hq in the US. we had hoped to get you some special benefits, but they have rejected it. i am yet to get the details", the executive mumbled.
he wondered at the audacity of the company... how could they not give the visa power to the chief minister of a state whose diaspora had significant influence among not only the Indians, but the general populace in the US? where would the US be without us, he thought..
he controlled himself with an effort. he would get a card from the other company, the one that said 'there are some things money can buy, for everything else, there's........" for his situation, it was only apt...but he wouldn't stop at that.. he decided he would go the US, to the credit card company's hq and give them a piece of his mind.... the bank, he would deal with, later!!
he called his PA.
"call the US embassy. ask them the status of the gujarat chief minster's visa application"
until next time, who has the power?

The Birthday

She knew she had very little time.. his birthday was only a few days away... his birthdays had never been celebrated grandly.. he had never asked for it, and no one had ever felt the need... considering that the only thing he spent money on were books and cassettes,he was never difficult to please if his birthday presents were any of the above... except for the occasional games or toys, much like his life, the presents he got were also routine, not that he was complaining... he was, well, like that...
but this time, she wanted it to be different, it was his 15th birthday, the one after his tenth standard board exams had got over, the first big hurdle in life... and she wanted him to celebrate it in a slightly better fashion than they usually did... and the first and perhaps only difficult task was convincing him.. because, although she was very strict about everything he did, lately she had understood he was growing up, and increasingly left his things to his judgement.. well, she was his mother, and knew what was best for him..
besides, she knew things he didnt..convincing him was difficult, for he was a shy child, with a handful of close friends, and ran away from attention of any kind, except for the ones which his extra curricular activities demanded.. for she was still very strict about that... and so he was trained in classical music, played in the cricket team,and was a member of the school quiz and debating teams... all of which he liked in a very matter-of-fact way...
all said, he was a very reluctant social animal...but she wouldn't have any of that.. with 2 days left, she forced him to accept the fact that he would have to invite at least 10 of his friends to celebrate his birthday.. the only thing which he could decide was the place...and so it was, that for the very first time he could remember, he was doing something more complicated than distributing sweets for his birthday..
but after all was said and done, he was happy, and grudgingly thanked her... and she in turn, thanked her god, for she had survived the day...but he doesnt like celebrating birthdays, because she died 9 days later..
until next time, some things arent forever...

Casting Grouch

She alighted at the station and had her first good look at Mumbai.. the place where her silverscreen dreams would take shape.Although hers was a stereotypical story of a small town girl dreaming of making it big in Bollywood, she was sure that hers would be a success story, because she was sure of her talents.... and assets.. and she had a definite plan...
she had taken up all the courses in fashion, modelling and acting that her small town could offer... and her small town already boasted of a precedent in making it big in bollywood.. but she was sure she wanted to make it on her own.. and not take her predecessor's help.. but her predecessor had given her one crucial info that was essential to her plan- the casting couch, its existence and the way it worked, and the 'contact' persons... she had her parents' approval on her bollywood dreams, but even to them, she had not revealed her plan...
She called a taxi, and asked the driver to take her to the 5 star hotel where she had booked a room..... not that she had the money to spare, but this was crucial to the plan... she checked into the room, and thought about reading the paper, since it was almost 3 days since she had read them... always important to keep oneself updated about bollywood.. but she decided to do that after she kicked off her plan....
she started calling up the contact persons, and got her first shock, for the responses ranged from 'do you think i am dumb?' to 'which channel are you calling from ' to plain abuse... she wondered what was going on and decided to take a shower before proceeding...
to jail!! the cops barged into the room, minutes after her phone calls, and arrested her for trying to trap people.. they talked something about an established villain having been 'exposed' a couple of days back on a news channel.... she said she didnt know a thing about it... and was only a wannabe actress.. she was so afraid she even told them about her plan- to use the casting couch- where she wouldnt struggle (and therefore could bypass the 'struggling actress' phase)..
but they werent convinced.... she reckoned she knew who her enemies were - a nexus of actresses who didnt want competition and news channels who wanted TRPs..... she also realised that what she needed now was shakti, tan ki nahi, par man ki....
until next time, news channels cant help broadcasting and filmmakers cant help casting...

Blessed??

Ajay Devgan (in a borrowed raincoat :) ) is the poster boy for this post. i have been wanting to write this ever since i saw the movie, and a few days back, when i saw another character like him, i had to write, because i know a lot of guys like these, and i sympathise with them..
- the driver who looks on in anguish as a guy zooms past him, riding on the wrong side, because he is too nice/meek not to do it.
-the guy who stutters at the waiter that the people who came after him have gotten a table as well as their food, and he is still waiting.
-the guy who slogs all day at work and watches a colleague walking away with the accolades because he aggressively presented himself.
-the woman who suffers verbal/physical abuse from her husband.
-the kid who is forever bullied by friends/cousins.....................

there is a feeling that aggression has to be developed if you are to succeed/ get out of the sad predicament/s you are in. but what if you are made that way, when you cannot be forcible enough, when you are too nice to take offense? are you going to be defenceless, are you going to suffer forever, is it only you who can save yourself? but if you are made that way, can you save yourself? or will you forever have to slink away to the bathroom to sit and cry in isolation? because you are too meek to even cry aloud.
and sometimes it is not just about being meek...it is because you have a principle that what goes around will come around, and therefore cannot bring yourself to shout/ proclaim/abuse.....
does this world cater only to people who are willing to fight? do you have to snatch something thats yours by right? do you have to shove your way forward all the time? was life ever meant to be such a big fight??
to correct myself, i dont sympathise, i empathise, because quite a few times i see the character when i look in the mirror.
until next time, " Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth".

Little Boy Blue

Towards the end of a decade, when the 'flower power' generation were swinging towards what the rest of society considered normal, a set of parents were eagerly awaiting the birth of their first baby... the flower power seemed to have rubbed off on the baby, coz in later years, it wished it had been born at least a couple of decades earlier... the baby's maternal grandmother was also eagerly awaiting its birth, since the baby's mother was the only girl child and so, the granny's favourite.... the baby was very inconsiderate as it chose a late hour to be born.. but he(yup, was a boy) was quite inclined to come out, and didnt cause much trouble...
a few hours later, he was brought into the room, where he would spend the next few days.. and that was where he was supposed to lie, with little cries in between that were indicators of entry or exit of materials.... but quite apparently, he was an attention freak, for within 24 hours of his birth, he decided to test his destiny and the nerves of his granny...
while his mother slept because of the sedation and his dad was at home for some well deserved sleep, and granny was dreaming of her newborn grandson's future, he decided to question whether he had a future at all...he just stopped breathing, and within a few seconds, turned blue, scaring his granny out of her wits.. but she wasn't one to give up without a fight...
in the dead of the night, she ran up three floors, carrying him, searching each floor for a duty doctor/ nurse... she finally found one, and got the equally frightened nurse to force the breath back into him... and was rewarded with a happy gurgle from him, as though a question had been answered...
years later, he still has the blues, albeit of a different kind, and writes about them in his blog... today is his 27th birthday...

until next time, what are you waiting for? wish me...

What dreams may come!!

He was a young man from a small town... born and living in the small town that was his home... his parents had sent him to a good school, and then to a good college in the hope that he would get a good job, marry, give them grandchildren and generally achieve the 'purpose of his life'... and things were going according to plan till the time he started actively following bollywood, its heroines and the general glitz and glamour... in his final year in college, it started affecting him in a major way..from a shy, unassuming lad, he morphed into a cocky youth who assumed a lot of things, including the love that his beautiful neighbour should feel for him.... and thus began the nights of serenading, bolstered by the fact that he had a good voice and when that didnt give any results, he knew that his studies wouldnt help him anyway, and to realise his dreams, he had to make it big, somewhere, he knew he had to unleash the entertainer within!!
She (not the neighbour above) was a studious young girl, her parents had pinned a lot of hopes on her.. they were very liberal parents, and wanted her to live her life, her way.. and she had her head firmly screwed on to her shoulders.... that was until she heard a certain bollywood singer. she began hero-worshipping him to the point of obsession, and made up her mind that she somehow had to meet him, whatever be the cost.. her interest in her studies dropped, and she was forever listening to him, and making plans to meet him...
and thus it is.. for people like him and her, and others quite similar from them or different from them, they made this (er, something like this)....judged by a forever 'inspired' music director, a choreographer turned director, and a singer who's not sure if he is a singer, an actor or a rockstar, they want their moments in the sun...
billions would watch them..one will win, ten will get offers, hundred will know they have taken a step in the direction, ten thousand will be shattered and may not be able to pick up the pieces... for them, was it worth it??
until next time, is idol worship in??

The contract killer

He was watching her, in fact, he had been watching her for quite sometime now... a week... like with every other 'contract' he had in the past, he studied his victim... but this one was not just another victim, this one was the retirement plan.. he was suddenly reminded of the character made famous by Forsyth, in fact, that character had been one of his inspirations to get into this trade... the sheer excitement of having control over someone's future, and the someone not even having a clue about it... but he quickly pulled his thoughts back, for Forsyth's character had messed up his own retirement plan..
the person he was watching.... a pretty middle aged woman, who balanced a successful professional life and a stable personal life... her husband was also an extremely successful professional in his chosen field... and the kids were doing very well in college...if his line of work hadnt made him so cold and unemotional, he would have really not wanted to harm this family in any way...but it had...
and so it was , that after intense scrutiny for a week, he had finally spotted the chink in her schedule which would help him make the clean hit, without anyone knowing it, until it was too late... as he waited in the small dark room opposite the building she would be entering in a short while, he thought about success... her success was exactly what was working against her now... she was the key decision maker in a multi billion contract, and the people who had paid him didnt exactly like the way her decisions were going... so they had paid him to make sure that she was removed from her position, forever..
she entered the building, without as much as a glance around, and as he knew she would, went straight to the fourth floor, first apartment on the left... her lover was waiting for her, and they went straight to the master bedroom... again, he knew that and was waiting with his sights fixed on the window.. he wondered how they could be so stupid as to not close the windows.. strange, but that was not his business, and besides, it made things easier for him...
the first shot happened while the last bit of undressing was going on.. and was followed by around 20 shots...... he wanted to make sure...no one saw the tiny sparks of light during each shot... and blissfully unaware of all this, they were on a roll, in more ways than one...
his paymasters were happy with the results.. the woman resigned from her job because she couldnt allow photos of her affair going out in public...and therefore she couldnt take any decisions on the billion dollar contract...the lover was a high profile guy himself and was silent on the whole issue..
and he was happy, he could retire in style... as the best' contract killer' in the corporate world.....
until next time, who says shots in the dark dont work??

P.S: happy birthday, wifey...

Far from the madding crowd...

absolutely an out of the world experience, he thought, that was what he was having here.. peace was the first word that came to mind when he thought of his current lifestyle...he was comfortable with the routine and the rules..and the food, they didnt give you pizzas or chopsuey, they gave you what they thought, and you knew, was good for you... and there was freedom all around, so long as you didnt harm others- in word or deed.
but he wouldnt have thought, even in his wildest of dreams that he would be landing up here, at the zenith of his professional life... all the targets, launches, conferences, hirings and firings, wild parties, wilder women.. all seemed such a long time ago..that was the professional life...
on another front, there was a loving wife, who understood him.. though in their final days together, their communication was nil.... he somehow felt that it had something to do with her affair with their common friend, the doc...all those secret meetings and phone conversations and the secret glances (even when he was around) seemed to suggest that.. hell, towards the end, he even felt that she was trying to flush him out of her life, like the shit she considered him to be...
sometimes he felt that his friends and relatives knew long before him that he would be giving up his 'wild' life and coming here.. they hadnt mentioned it to him... but they all seemed to agree with his wife when she suggested it to them..thats what one of his friends had told him, when he also landed up here... he had known she was behind it, but he had played along, even when the place didnt turn out to be what she claimed it to be ..
she was happy now, well, so was he, for he was far from the madding crowd.... he wouldnt change a thing, but somewhere deep inside, , he knew there was some little thing that had gone wrong somewhere, because he had brief patches of missing moments, and yeah, he hated those shock treatments, he wondered what they did that for...
until next time, dont get mad, get odd...

BPO.....

The talk in the cafateria had scared him slightly... everyone was wondering how long this would last.. here they were, just out of college, earning at the start of their careers, more than what their parents did at the end of theirs, enjoying a lifestyle that their parents couldnt have dreamed of, and generally living life to the fullest...
those were the good bits...but the flip side of it was you became a nocturnal creature ( well, depending on the country the client's audience resided in, the hours varied).. he had heard there were even some local outfits that worked during the day, who dealt with an indian audience, but the pay was pretty bad and besides, they didn't get free language training, which was a perk he enjoyed... and in case he decided to go there, he would have to unlearn ...uhuh, no way, he thought!! besides, he would never get to play the characters he got here... wasnt that what he did everyday, assuming a character who matched the expectations of the audience he was talking to... maintaining a conversation with people he hadn't seen and would perhaps never see.. pretending to look outside the window and seeing the snow falling( hell, he had never seen snow) or autumn leaves or the colors of the spring.. and generally being someone he wasnt, and would perhaps, never be...he knew most of the people who he dealt with realised all this, but so long as he put up a good front, they were cool with it....
but he wondered how soon all this would start reflecting on his persona.. his language was already a problem with his friends and parents...sometimes he felt frustrated, writing about stuff he had no interest in, replying to comments made by the clients' audience... maintaining conversations in shoutboxes and tagboards...
he wondered whether the second wave of BPOs would have happened at all - if blogging hadnt become a craze, and once people started, it hadn't become so addicitive, and after sometime there wasnt a burnout, and in spite of the burnout, people didnt want their blogs to go on.. but all this, did happen, thats why he had a job...
Blogs & Posts Outsourcing, he wondered if this had a future at all!!
until next time, ride the wave....

Once in a while...

He sat looking at the cake, a part of his 70th birthday celebrations... a once in a lifetime event... and wondered how he loved and looked forward to these once in a while events... from the simple stuff to the really 'once in a lifetime' events...he allowed himself a brief flashback of his life so far...
he loved his birthdays from the time he could remember.. he was the centre of attraction on that day, and would be flooded with presents.... on the birthday that came once a year...
but he loved the simple things too... sleep, for example, because he was awake all day and slept only once, at night... he liked sundays, because all the other days he had to go to school, and later, work... he used to love saturdays too, because that was the only day he dined out...
he had looked forward to his marriage, because he knew he would be married only once.. yes, an old school thought, but thats the way he was... he used to look forward to anniversaries, the day in the year when everything would be special.. he cherished the day his only son was born, because they were sure there wouldnt be a another..he also had fond memories of the day he retired from work, it was the end of a big chapter in his life......
lately he had started to cherish all moments, because he felt he would be wasting his life otherwise, because each moment of life was special...but these days, there was a contradiction.... he wasn't looking forward for a moment that was soon to come, a moment that came only once in life... the moment he would die.... no, he wasnt looking forwarded to it, though life happened all the while and death happened only once, but he wondered why.... because he didnt have a choice? because he didnt know what happened after it??...
until next time, live another day...