Jab Tak Suraj Chand rahega...

Remember BJP's "India Shining" campaign? While it didnt exactly help them shine in the elections, it was perhaps the first time in a long time that an actual campaign was carried out based on a central idea.. the only other ones i can think of were by Indira Gandhi - 'Garibi Hatao' and 'Indira is India', but 'India Shining' was at a different level and aimed at a different target audience..A few days back, i saw an ad by Happydent, which i thought would have been a great ad for the above campaign too- because it ended up with a lot of people smiling and getting the city to shine withtheir bright teeth.

Which made me wonder if thats the future of Indian politics.. ad campaigns executed by the country'sbest agencies after going through the whole hog.. i can imagine Laloo briefing Piyush Pandey on his party's vision, guiding light (himself), the manifesto, the gambhir samasyas which they would like to address, the audience they would like to speak to, the budget for the campaign, all over a clay cup of buffalo milk that Rabri treats her special guests with... the brief would perhaps be given in railway compartment or Laloo's home in Bihar so that Pandeyji can soak in the ambience and the true spirit of all that Laloo stands for.....

and somewhere in Delhi, Manmohan Singh is quietly spelling out the points that Madam has carefully jotted down for him, and patiently trying to explain to the hotshot creative guy why making a video featuring him and Soniyaji with the song 'Rock and Roll Soniye' would not be such a bright idea, especially considering that Amitabh appears in the original video... because Amitabh is so close to Amar Singh's Samajwadi party.. Amar Singh, who is so thankful for his khushnaseebi, because his ad would feature the Big B, Small B, Jaya B and if he could persuade Anil,even Tina Bhabee...

Buddhadeb hoping that his cadres wouldnt see red on Rituparno making an ad with him and Bipasha, so that in Bengal, Mamta has 'No Entry'...Down south, Chandrababu Naidu would be making a laptop presentation to Nagesh Kukkonoor on his plans for Hyderabad and almost ending the story when Nagesh suggests it should be called 'Hyderabad Blues'..and Narendra Modi arguing that he has enough troubles already and cannot allow a campaign that goes 'Kem Che' because of its guerrilla warfare and revolutionary connotation..

until next time, if they think, they Cannes :)

Dual Duel

He was tense, not surprising, considering that this would be a historical event for him, a milestone... And he had worked hard for it. There were times when he had thought he would fall by the wayside somewhere along the journey. Before the moment was on him, he wanted to close his eyes and travel the path all over again in his mind, for the moment would pass in a flash, and he wanted it to be always momentous in his mind.

The numbers hadnt reached 199 just like that. Each one was worked for, with diligence. What was more significant was that he wasnt a hard hitter, so there were no boundaries, no sudden leaps in the score, it was an accumulation process. He had been tired in between, sorely tempted to stop, but he had willed himself on, for he knew that he would be happy at the moments to come, and he wouldnt really want to miss them.

Thankfully he didnt have any major critics who might have dampened the enthusiasm, though he didnt have any major fans either, but then he was doing this mostly for the joy of it, and not for the accolades.Yes, he was happy, a double century didnt come everyday, and he hadnt forgotten the joy he had felt when he had got his first century.

until next time, two much? :)

Of old wines and new bottles

Its not exactly breaking news that wines get better as they grow older, i think it also applies to some whines, but thats just another silly pun..While there's nothing to beat the old wine in the old bottle, new bottles are easily tolerable.. and before i whine any further, let me get the context across - friends.. no,not the orkut kind, but the ones developed when you were too young to know better..:)

The couple of friends i have managed to have (inspite of myself) might be ROTFL right now, reading me write about something about which i am so ill versed about, but thats okay..Like Ash said recently, i have reached an age when i know that it will be extremely difficult to make new friends, given my distinct laziness to keep in touch etc.. and therefore old friends popping out are indeed a welcome relief..

unlike wines, we cant be sure we become better with age, in fact i think, over a period of time, we manage to change ourselves to unrecognisable entities.. and thats why its good to have old friends saying hi, because like an enid blyton book, or an 80's movie, or the college photograph or an old song, it takes us back in time, it makes us nostalgic, and more often than not, happy... it reminds us of times that used to be and more importantly, what we once used to be...

until next time, hi :)

Chit Chat

Apart from the odd skeletons in my closet, i also keep a few games, of the computer kind. this is about both... For a few months now, i have been frustrated at Level 6 of 'Claw'. I resisted the urge to get the cheatcode for quite sometime, but finally succumbed and relived the sheer delight of having beat the system.

Relived, because there was a phase when using 'chits' to beat the educational system was a thrill. From the mundane of keeping 'educational material' in shirt sleeves to swallowing the material when there was a chance of getting caught by the shrewd exam invigilator, even education had exciting moments. The small pieces of paper with whole chapters in micro fontsize writing are a work of art, and mind you, making them is as difficult as studying. :)

So, as a part of the reliving,i thought of making a version of some terminology in the world of chits..

Application Development - A complex process in which the requirements are firmed up, the study material is analysed, and the number and kind of chits decided and get made.

ASCII- Accepted Standard Code for Information Interchange, used for Shareware.

Booting - The intitation of the chit usage process, named after the most common accessory used to store chits.

Cache - a dynamic pool of chits which are passed from batch to batch.

Developer - A person who makes chits.

Extensible Markup Language (XML) - A language that provides a format for describing structured data. This facilitates more precise declarations of content and more meaningful search results across multiple chits. A tool developed specifically for Wannabes, to extend their abilities and take their marks up.

Firewall - It is an entity that tries to prevent a Trojan Horse from entering. Strip searching is an example.

Green Card - The result of a successful use of chits. Named after the feeling evoked in other developers.

Hypertext Transfer Protocol (HTTP) - The protocol used to transfer chits between developers working in groups. The most common is hand to hand and the best innovation reported was using the belt loop/pocket of the invigilator. Named so because of the tendency of the developers to become hyper during the transfer of text.

Icon - A highly evolved developer, he has knowledge of Norton and all possible Trojan Horses, and is constantly developing more.

Norton - An invigilator who recognises most Trojan Horses.every wannabe's worst nightmare and a foe that icons and some lesser developers relish.

Novice - One end of the spectrum, these guys are terrorised by the thought of getting caught, and sometimes 'hang' and dont return your answer papers (from which they had conveniently copied).

Oracle - The most developed Icon, he can predict the questions that will appear in the exam. He cant be bothered to write the answers during the exam. he would have already managed to get some blank answer papers, on which he would have already written answers to expected questions,he just uses this.

Shareware- Typically used by a group, who have an arrangement. This material can be used by all in the group, and if theres time and benevolence, by a novice.

Trojan Horse - The material used to bring in chits. It could be anything from the clothes one wears to reference books to plaster casts. The worst known trojan horse is a sweater in the middle of May.

Wannabe - He brings his own material, but has it in abundance, and can be seen searching the entire duration, because he doesnt know where he has kept what.

until next time, gotchit?

Getting Real

A few months ago, i had written about how, at the end of it all, bloggers also are humans, well, most of them exhibit some human characteristics for sufficiently long periods oftime for us to conclude so, and therefore, exhibit the grey shades of any normal existence... although somewhere deep(in my mind) there is a notion that somehow the blogging citizens of the virtual world are mature enough to be above the normal human frailties, every now and then, things happen that bring me back to reality...

This and this should bring you upto speed on the matter... This supposedly is the origin of the issue.. yes, lazybums, i know you wont bother, so heres the synopsis.. According to Chenthil, Kiruba, in a podcast, claimed to be the #1 blogger in the country, which Chenthil takes offence to.. we also have people taking sides on it.. which brings me to the non issue of being top blogger...

Of course, there is no debating in my mind as to who it is, you are reading him.. but seriously, in spite of denials, most of us write for the comments, which later evolve into a desire for meaningful interactions, and the more you get, the more confidence you gain to air your fare... the interactions sometimes form a kind of clique, which perhaps is a bad thing.. there are lots of blogs i frequent, where i like the posts, and inspite of commenting on those, there is never a reply to it, and over a period i duh the 'keepout' sign.. :).. to each, their own...my point is that while the net is a great leveller in the way people create and exchangeideas, sometimes it does a create a snob value, and somehow creates levels which may be something thats against the basics of the medium and blogging...

somewhere, we had started writing for ourselves, and somewhere, we get into the trap of writing for something else, but sometimes, like a ray of sunshine from among the clouds,the real blogger comes out...

until next time, reality bites...

And he dreamt...

Raj and Rahul always win always, but the good thing about SRK's character in KANK is that he's a loser.. no, dont go away, this is not a review, nor a commentary on the plot, its just that the basic character could have been straight out of a book i'd have written in a parallel life..of course, it wouldnt be a fluffy romance, but yes, i'd have built the character from the loser.. no, this isnt about the book either, because the book is only one chapter in the parallel life...they say every person has a story to write, his own, the rest is what brings out the creativity..i really do wonder if it is that easy...

..Remember how we laughed away the hours

And dreamed of all the great things we would do..

some people dont dream, and maybe that is bliss... some people dream, but it is seen as just that, a dream, a parallel life which snaps close when reality comes knocking, it doesnt affect the routine life.. some people go a few steps, and then something happens, an accident, a butterfly effect' in the stomach which cost them the single chance to achieve their dream, a sacrifice for something that seems more important at that time... in all cases a single moment which alters the course of one's destiny.. some people have the strength to get up, brush the dust off, and chase it, the really lucky ones get there, and the only lucky ones have the satisfactionof trying...
And then there's my hero... he had a dream too, and it lived with him and grew within him, and thats all it did, because it never grew up... it wasnt a single moment that sealed a destiny, it just didnt materialise.. maybe he didnt try enough, maybe it was only the flavor he wanted, and not the dish, maybe he was always waiting for a moment to dawn on him, maybe he thought it was romantic to just have a dream and keep it that way, he would walk through life, thinking of a million ways it could have happened...

..Oh my friend, we're older but no wiser

For in our hearts, the dreams are still the same..

D loves walking on the terrace, and i am my usual lazy self.. a couple of days back, on an impulse, i called her to join me for a terrace walk.. and then it rained, and we had to come down...

and so i wonder if it would be easy to write the book, or sing the song, or play the sport if thats the only thing you ever wanted to do... yes, hundreds of people do it, and then theres my hero.. :)

until next time, dream a ream yet?

Paws.. think about it...

Ever read the story titled "Monkey's Paw"?.. Was part of some English syllabus at school.. a quick rewind.. Its about a couple getting a monkey's paw as a gift, the paw has the power to fulfill three wishes, but they are also grimly warned to use the paw very cautiously, and to be careful of what they wish for, for it has strange way of doing things.. They could gift it to someone after their quota was over, but not before.. For a long time, the couple heeded the warning and refrained from using it, but one day the temptation grew too strong and one day they wished they could get some money. The next morning they had a visitor who said that their son had just got crushed under some machinery. He had died instanly, but they would be getting some money from the company. They were devastated and wished they could have their son back.. Sometime later their bell rang, and a disfigured grotesque creature told them he was their son and he had miraculously survived, they immediately wished that he were dead...

pause, back to track 1....A couple of weeks back, i was watching the Hungarian Grand Prix, and predicted that Alonso wouldnt finish the race. Given that Renault (alonso's car) was performing like nothing could go wrong, over a dozen races, it was an idle prediction, and along with my retirement prediction for the other Renault driver, Fisichella, and the Maclaren driven Raikkonen, and my race order - Button, de la Rosa, Heidfeld and , it was taken exactly as that - an idle passing statement. But with constant egging from co-watchers about my lack of prediction skills, i was fervently hoping and praying and all the while somehow gaining confidence that it would happen exactly that way.

As the race went by, my favourite Schumacher was gaining ground, Raikkonen and Fisichella were out, and i was enjoying, except that Alonso was still on the track and leading... And then with 19 laps left, the unthinkable happened, Alonso retired from the race, leaving Button leading, followed by Schumacher, de la Rosa and Nick Heidfeld.. the reason i had said schumi would be 4th was i was being relaistic and 5 points were enough to cut the championship lead to just 6 points. The race went on, and after some splendid racing de la Rosa overtook Schumi, with me cursing the toll the manuevres took on Schumi's tyres.. And then Heidfeld made his move. A furious Schumi literally went out of his way to prevent an overtake.. that proved to be his downhall, as a few seconds later, he was nursing the car into the pits, retired....

i learnt some things from this... there is something about His system that answers even a single person's prayers and gives him strength, if he wants it badly enough... but it also gives a monkey's paw clause to it.. what you want will happen, but what happens with it, and alongside it, is His call.. In this case,i assumed that while all the others retired, Schumi would complete the race.. I realise that in all his agreements, He is in the details...

until next time, i am still confident that i have cracked something in His entire puzzle.... ;)

The Ugly Duckling

That was exactly the way she thought her life had turned out to be... and what a life it was...from the beginning, everyone had hopes and aspirations that were somehow connected to her, she felt as though a million destinies were somehow entwined with hers.... she was expected to look beautiful, to be smart and grow up to be wise, to be nice and kind to her smaller cousins, and especially to her twin brother...

She had failed on almost all counts, and hence was considered an ugly duckling who didnt deserve to be around.. her friendly overtures were met with scorn or sometimes even worse, she was betrayed by those who she thought were on her side.. the fact that she was not married also didnt help her cause... well, for a while she was going around with someone but then she realised it wasn't going anywhere.. it turned out to be a good thing because he just made it a habit of breaking up after that...

But it seemed now, that she was gradually turning into a swan... everyone who saw her, or heard about her were all praise for her, and about the way she was maturing... everyone was betting on her to be an eventual success story, and create a mark in the world, because she was excelling in whatever she took an interest in - from IT and biotech to music and movies, the world was sitting up and taking notice...it was finally seeming that it was all worth it - all the people, all the languages, all the costumes and all the celebrations, all the hills and all the mountains, all the rivers and all the seas, and all the states she was made up of..yup, that was a life, and a life that was still far from its true potential.. for this woman, life would be sweet after 60...

until next time, jai hind :)

Salman Khan to star in One Night at the Call Centre

While it was old news than Rohan Sippy had purchased the rights for Chetan Bhagat's second book 'One Night At the Call Centre", thats exactly what it has become - old news. The latest is that Atul Agnihotri, actor turned director, who in his acting days was compared to Arnie (no, not for the muscles, just the emotions) is going to direct the movie.

Chetan Bhagat's style in the book clearly showed that it was ready made for a movie, and his marketing efforts were very clear in projecting it as a timepass read. Acoording to Atul, a lot of actors are interested in the roles. But i guess the snag is that the minority of actors who can read and understand the book will immediately have an unfair advantage. Anyways, not to worry, to provide more bang for your buck, Atul has roped in Salman to play (hold on to something) Chetan Bhagat himself. Now i bet Salman and Chetan are busy congratulating each other, on each other's good fortunes.

However, since that scene is only a few pages in the book, with nothing but conversation and looking out of the train window, it is definitely going to be a tough task to fit in one shirt-removing scene and one nakabandi song by topesh Himself. I am also wondering on who they are going to choose as God's voice. Yes, what Hindi movie can be complete without God!! Why do you think i said Chetan had it all planned out!! Anyways, is it going to be Naseeruddin Shah, Om Puri, Amitabh Bachchan or will we hear a new God? A dangerous thought crossed my mind, will it be Himself?

until next time, its going to be a long night...
Disclaimer: There is none, check this out

Happy Rakshabandhan...

Some things never change...

Guys used to look forward to Rakhi, they still do..

.. but they just wish there were no strings attached...

until next time, i am not obsessed, honest.. the fit was too good to ignore... :)

Independence Day preponed

In a stunningly radical move, the ruling Congress led UPA has gotten the Parliament to pass a law that makes the Independence Day a variable date. The lower house of parliament passed the bill late last week amidst heated debate and a walkout by the opposition; the upper house's approval made it law the following day. In a press release, the Opposition spokesperson had this to say,

" We are appalled by how this government could take such a step. This is against the spirit of the nation. Tell me, could you ever think of changing your birthday? It is something sacrosanct which evokes deep emotions in every citizen of this country."
The Congress party spokesperson defended " We have always maintained that we are a people friendly government. This particular law has also been enacted to give a benefit to the society in total. In any case, there is a clause that states that the variable date has to be within 2-3 days of the original independence day. Statistics would prove that a lot of people are unhappy when the day falls on Thursday/Tuesday etc, when they have to take an extra day leave for a long weekend. For example, this time the independence Day is on Tuesday, with this law, we can change it to Monday, and give the entire country a long weekend."

until next time, freedom to.....

Disclaimer: This work is just a product of the author's imagination.

Striking....

There is a university that i was once a part of, no, make that twice... once, when i spent years 3 to 13 living there, discovering a world on a tricycle, climbing buildings under construction, playing cricket for hours on end, walking among rows and rows of acacia trees, listening to grown ups talking science and mathematics and politics, going to kindergarten, feeling grown up when going to school, discovering a world on a bicycle, seeing people walk by with red or black flags and wondering how cool it must be to carry a flag and shout on the road...

the second time, a much briefer timeframe - 6 months, coming back to a wave of nostalgia, to a world i had spent time discovering, to walking up the stairs of buildings that were constructed almost two decades ago, to getting tired after a few overs' spell, walking among rows of buildings that once used to be the ground on which acacias stood, listening to grown ups talking management, to feeling grown up when doing post graduation, seeing people walk by with red or black flags, and realising how childish i was when i thought it was cool, because by then i had been there and done that...

a few months back, i saw a newspaper headline that the university was shut indefinitely - it seemed most of everyone were on strike, against each other - students, administrative staff and the university registrar had been manhandled by a set of students... the students were on strike for something that should be as far away from academics as possible - politics.. the exams have been cancelled, and if this goes on for even a couple of months, perhaps this year, there wont be a convocation at all in the university...

now the university has silent rows of buildings, and kids waiting for their exams to get over so they can play cricket, cycle around, discover a world, listen to grown ups and think how cool itwould be to carry red and black flags and shout on the street...and yes, the university has always had people with flags, it still has them.. cant blame them, it takes time to understand that flags aint so cool... like most things in life, it is a lesson that cant be taught, it has to be learnt... and that takes time, and a part of life itself...

until next time, dumbstruck....

Prince to star in RGV's film

In a fitting climax to the tale that started on 21st Jul, Prince, the boy who got stuck in a tubewell while playing with friends, and thereby got the nation's audience to get stuck on to the picture tube with timely assistance from various news channels, has been signed on by the famed Bollywood director Ram Gopal Varma.

Prince, who is thrilled about his meteoric rise in popularity after his relatively smaller fall, has already received grants from the state and central governments of Rs. 2 lakh each. In addition, a couple of news channels have also promised him a sum of Rs. 7 lakhs.

In an exclusive interview, Prince has expressed his happiness at being signed on by RGV, " I am extremely thrilled at this opportunity. After the incident, everything in my life is suddenly falling into place. I had immense faith in God and the media, and i always knew that there would be a lightat the end of the tunnel. I cant talk about the film details as Ramuji has asked me not to, but i am undergoing a fitness programme to get back into shape. You see, i was fed a lot of milk, chocolate,biscuits etc during my ordeal, and over two days, i had become a bit too fat. In fact that was what had made the rescue a bit difficult."

When asked if he was concerned about the fact that RGV dropped his actors after hyping them, he had this to say, "He does so only if they dont fall into line with his thinking. But that wont be a problem for me since i have proven my falling skills."

RGV, who makes no bones of his obsession for Mumbai's underworld and its characters, has confirmed the news, and was more forthcoming in an interview. "Yes, its true that i have signed on Prince. I am planning to make a prequel to my film "D", which was a prequel to my earlier film "Company. I will be tracing the making of a criminal from his childhood days. Because of Prince's close brush with the underworld at such a tender age, i feel he is ably suited to play the character. In fact, i have boiled down to a couple names for the film - Three's Company (since this is the third episode), or e (C for company, then D, and so... also i might be releasing it only on the internet. I am already in talks with You Tube for that.). I have also got the rights from the English rockband Dire straits for their song 'Tunnel of Love', 'How Deep is your love' by Take That, 'Falling into You' by Celine Dion and 'Deeper Underground' by Jamiroquai, which will all be used in the film. Talks are also on with Deep Purple and Deep Blue something for more songs. Shooting will start any time now."

News has just arrived that RGV already has signed Prince for the remake, as he expects the original to get panned by the critics.

until next time, Prince, how charming...

Disclaimer: This work is just a product of the author's imagination, except for the money and the Food and beverage bit.

Carry on Doctor

Any of you remember the 'Carry on' series? Old stuff, but used to get repeated on the movie channels, till the 'latest movie on your screen' wars began... Hilarious stuff, made you laugh till your jaw hurt... Only, my jaw started hurting a few days back without me laughing..

now, i usually treat myself pretty well (yes, very funny, i knew that was coming) with the regular stuff available in medical stores, but this one proved a bit too complicated, particularly since i had a lot of (cliche/wisecrack) reasons thrown at me... like

Me: My jaw hurts, at the junction of the ear and the jaw

Friend: Judging by your intelligence, your wisdom tooth is long overdue

or

Me: Am not sure if its a wisdom tooth or an ear infection

Colleague: yup, all that empty space in between, something's bound to happen..

Another Colleague: Hear hear!!

Yup, i do get plenty of help, and anyways, after trying out simple home remedies like Crocin, Iodex at the joint and an innovative method of rubbing amrutanjan on an earbud and poking it into places where no bud has gone before, i gave up and decided to take some professional help...And the doc was the biggest wisecracker of them all...

Unlike the modern day, cold, "show me the money" kind, this was an older, wiser doc with the most cheerful disposition i have seen from a man still at work at 8 pm on a Friday night...So from asking me whether i had recently encountered any nuts that were tough to crack, and almost making me believe that i should sneeze with my mouth closed, inspite of the risk of my eyes popping out (which he assured me could be done) he kept me entertained ...

And if he had any inkling of the real reason my jaw hurt, this might have been the conversation...

Doctor: you know, its good to learn early in your marriage to treat your wife with care.

Me: Agree Doctor, but why...

Doctor: The junction at the beginning of the jawbone is very sensitive....

until next time, dont drop your jaws...

Item Bomb

Rakhi Sawant created a stir of sorts by announcing that she would be championing the cause of freedom of expression after the recent site banning controversy. When asked whether this was just another publicity stunt, she had this to say,

"Ever since Aamir took up the Narmada cause, i have been looking for issues to raise. It is only now that i have got something meaty enough to hold my attention. It is not my intention to blow anything out of proportion, but some things need to be done to lift the morale of the poor bloggers who have been affected. In any case i dont have any realeases planned soon, so why would i want any cheap publicity? "

When asked how she was qualified to tackle such a relatively geeky issue like blogs, she responded thus,

"It has nothing to do with technology. It is the principle of the whole thing. I have been avictim of the authorities curtailing my freedom of expression, whether its on screen or on stage. And so i feel i am well qualified to do these kind of exposes before the public."

When asked whether she knew common blogger concepts like RSS feeds, she quickly shot back,

"Of course, they are one of the principal reasons why i am supporting the cause. It was the same guys who were feeding the media during my stage show which caused so much of a controversy. They should stick to politics and not do moral policing."

She terminated the interview abruptly when a reporter asked whether she preferred Type Pad,

"This is the problem with media people. You give them some freedom, and they start asking you personal questions. It is none of your business what......"

until next time, only item, no bomb!!

Disclaimer: This work is just a product of the author's imagination.