Monday, December 20, 2004

Benchmarks

I used to hate them... they were different at different stages in life, but they were always there.. at every stage - to mock, to ridicule.. to dare, to challenge, to provoke..
and they were never the same person... from the kid who got better marks than me in class 1 to the one who got the first prize in music/ quiz/ debate... to the cousin who managed to get an engineering/medicine admission to some slightly older distant relative who managed to go to the US... to the peer who got into IIT to the ones who earn more than me now... the challenges were good in the beginning, and with luck playing a major part, the ego used to have many days to gloat.. until one day, it finally dawned on me that if it continued in the same fashion, the battles would never end, there would always be a new 'benchmark person' around the corner... and also, that while i was chasing 'targets', i was automatically becoming a target myself... i was also gradually becoming the 'benchmark persons' i hated.....
i stopped active participation..and followed the floyd mantra as in 'the fletcher home memorial'
"take your overgrown infants ,
and build them a home,
a place of their own'......."
"..did they expect us to treat them with any respect,
they can polish their medals and sharpen their smiles,
and abuse themselves playing games for a while,
boom boom bang bang lie down you're dead........"

but sometimes i wonder if i have actually got rid of them ... because even now, when i am seemingly 'in control' of my life, and forced justifications arent necessary.. i guess they still exist in my mind..but times are different, i dont acknowledge battles now, i sneak up, in my own time, and move on...hehe...not a nice habit, i know.... old habits die hard.... but die they will.....
until next time, be game....


P.S : message for ash : cant comment on your site. they accuse my IP of spamming .. :(

1 comment:

sriniwu said...

hmm.. does dat mean u used to hate me too at sometime partner :D :P