Increased Mobility

He was surprised to be told that he was showing off. Wasn’t it a regular custom to send an sms to announce a mobile number change? Of course, this time there was a twist to it. The message said, “My mobile number has changed from W910i to E71. No, you don’t need to save it”

until next time, numeric only? ;)

The Art of Breathing

‘Breathe in’ said the instructor. A collective intake of breaths followed. ‘Now hold until I tell you’, he continued. The stillness followed for some excruciating seconds. Just as he said ‘Exhale’, a sound erupted which prompted quite a few giggles. ‘..through the mouth’ said the instructor, with a deadpan expression, and without missing a beat.

until next time, gas chambers

Happy Father's Day?

until next time, a billion plus wishes ;)

Thus began April

She answered the doorbell, and told him he was wanted. In his foggy early morning state, he reached the door and found a woman blinking at him. He blinked right back. To diffuse the stalemate he asked what she wanted. She said his wife had told her to wait while she sent the waste outside.

until next time, not fool's proof

Sorry Bob

He loved wedding lunches, and was disappointed when work kept him away from one, especially since all his friends would make it. But that was nothing compared to his bemusement, when a casual enquiry on how it went got this Bob Dylan response from his friend ‘the answer, my friend, is blowin’ in the wind’

until next time, fart attack

Documentary

He waited patiently, then impatiently, while they searched. Strange, they said, the document numbers above and below his were intact. Irritated, he wondered why they didn’t convey this when he called up the day before. As they took the documents from a separate drawer, their looks said it all – couldn’t you have conveyed THAT earlier?

until next time, customer service for dummies

Mindgames

They played with each other, taunting, challenging, and trying to outdo each other. It was exciting, and though it wasn’t the first time, they never got bored. It really didn’t matter who came first, and who came second, the fun was in playing, not in the result. Scrabbles, a game, a form of textual intercourse.

until next time, double word, double meaning :)

A Great 2008

Two thousand eight

Might be just a date

But its a good time to wonder if fate,

Will drop these on our plate

Mallya will force India to accept Alistair Perreira as a part of the Formula 1 team.

Abhishek will sulk because his dad stole the limelight as the anti hero in Dhoom 3.

Narayanamurthy will release his first music CD - his version of the national anthem

Uma Bharti's performance in the music video of the above will raise hackles.

Saurav will finally retire, and automatically become the new coach.

Chappell's mail on the above will be put up for auction on eBay.

Ram will be issued summons by the supreme court to appear in the Ram Sethu debate.

Yash Raj will announce a reality show in Nepal starring Charles Shobhraj titled 'Aaja Bachle'

Prachi desai will sue Ekta Kapoor for spamming her mailbox with the message 'Jhalak Dikhla ja'

Tata's one lakh car will turn out to be an autorickshaw with a spare tyre.

Shivsena will burn theatres playing Rajni films, claiming that 'Sivaji' mis-portrays their hero.

Hillary will star in Kill Bill 3 after the US' first First Husband insists on using some first aide everyday.

Australia will protest India's complete dominance in Twenty 20.

Prakash Karat will condemn India's shift towards nuclear families.

Pervez Musharaff will blame Hindustan Lever now that everyone has seen through the Qaeda smokescreen.

Yuvraj will have a personal cheerleading squad in all matches with Deepika Padukone leading it.

Narendra Modi will encourage internet usage and specifically RSS feeds, but ban pizzas, Ferrari and Sunfeast Pasta.

Emergency will be declared after Pratibha Patil tries to do a Musharaff in India.

West Bengal government will offer Taslima a plot in Nandigram.

Yana Gupta's marriage to the common man will mean she serves beer in Deccan.

Employee appreciation will grow faster than rupee appreciation

Abhishek will continue sulking because Ash named the baby Salim.

Richard Gere and Rakhi Sawant will star in Ekta Kapoor's first Hollywood venture, Kkissmat - The Forbidden Kiss.

until next time, that makes a manuscrypts happy new year :)

PS. If you liked that, check out 2007, 2006, 2005.

Bummer

Those of you familiar with my retail adventures would know I’m getting perilously close to being scarred for life, courtesy those shopping expeditions with D. It was only my timely inaction that helped me come through the latest one, when a PYT near me told the salesperson, ‘Hi, I’d like to see a dark bottom’

until next time, know when to butt in

Thinking Big

Not that he needed a chewing gum brand, but it was all in the name. It made sense since he was getting a huge brand ambassador. It wasn’t a big task considering the friendship and his friend’s endorsement appetite. Big Adda, Big Flicks, Big Music, Big FM, Big Babol. Brand Ambassador – Big B. Sounded right.

until next time, not a big deal?

Insectuous relationships - 55

These days, there's tremendous amount of sexual activity happening in our house. I confess, I do not spend a lot of time thinking about it, but D does and she is extremely unhappy about it. After all, she's the one who has to deal with the increasing number of cockroaches and lizards in the house.

until next time, did that bug you? :D

Mind Games - 55

He didn’t mind the rain. It meant that the idiots who paid lots of peachish Gandhis got to see only 50%. He wasn’t much into the mass sport now, 20-20 win notwithstanding. He’d get up early tomorrow to watch the F1 race. He did, and saw a track beset by rain. His expression was priceless.

until next time, are Suzuka and Bangalore cosmic twin cities?

Nude Ellie

That was the status message on my Google Talk for a couple of days last week... A lot of guys who dont bother saying a hi when i have a normal green button insisted on saying one when i had this custom message with a red button... It happened to elicit a lot of responses ranging from numbers associated with Ellie - her vital stats and her mobile number to social questions - whether i could do a quick introduction.

Now, it was the first time in 14 years that i was seeing this subject of extreme curiosity and i must say i was pleasantly surprised. Cleaner, calmer and most definitely hot, changed my perspective completely. And thanks to this reacquainting, i also got to meet two people who i have known only virtually. While i spent only a few minutes with N, since we were both on working time, i had dinner at J's place. While i exhibited my usual atrocious sense of humour and other anti social skills, she really couldnt kick me out, since she had a plastered foot.

But, i digress, this is about nude ellie, only Shobha cracked it, and the most heartfelt response i got was one i got on facebook was this

(reacting to the status - Manu is exploring Nude Ellie)

He: I want to explore nude ellie too.

Me: All major carriers have flights from Mum-bai to Nude Ellie

He: Manu, you are terrible

until next time, have you met Erica ? ;)

Fictionary

The uneasy feeling you get when your wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend peers at a person of your gender in an appreciative manner - Peer Pressure

until next time, peerless? ;)

To each his own...

The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Just tell him its flat :D

Speaking of ways into men's hearts, saw an interesting comment here. When the interviewer asked SRK about the cold war between him and the bachchans, SRK said shabby (or should it be shaB? abhishek with that awful beard and dressing style should be called that) was with him till 4 am.. Now, is it that abhi finds ash cold or SRK hot or both? hmmm...

until next time, was that flat? ;)

Make it hot!!

She gripped it hard at first, rubbed it all over, then rolled it. Then she started shaking it vigorously.This was when his irritation just burst out. "If you’re doing it, do it properly, otherwise, I’ll do it and let you know when its ready.You're making it look as though you're doing it for my sake.”, he said sarcastically.

She didnt know what she was doing wrong, for already the effects of her work was showing. It was getting moist, a sureshot sign that it was responding to her touch. "ok, see if something is coming out", she said.

"No, nothing is coming out. This is becoming an everyday thing now. Next time, we'll buy that jar pack. Coconut oil bottles in winter are a pain!!

until next time, get a grip!!

A couple of things that made me think

The irony of Real Good chicken having an expiry date on it.....

******************************************

On one of those inane remote flipping trips, i somehow got stuck on the initial minutes of Salmaan Khan's Judwaa... Dalip tahil and Reema lagoo have just had twins and are being congratulated by kader khan, a family friend.

Kader Khan: Badhai Ho

Reema Lagoo & Dalip Tahil: Aap ko bhi..
And i had a startling revelation - that david dhawan was a filmmaker far ahead of his times. They tomtom movies about human relationships these days, but this was way back and i was amazed by his subtle way of handling a complex extra marital affair with three mature characters who acknowledge it..

until next time, did that provoke you, the thoughts , that is?

Hogwash - The Finale

The day before the world goes potty for the final time. And tradition demands that this version releases a day before. So here it is, and for those who are still not quite clear on what we are talking about, here's the story so far.. and now

Parry Hotter and the Deathly Hallows

Legends never die, and Parry Hotter is no exception. As he struggles to relate to a world that has become a constantly blurring phenomenon between virtuality and reality, the world suddenly witnesses the sudden disappearance of celebrities. Parry is forced to get back to his old profession as he tries to seek out his young missing relative, who is a socialite and happens to have the same initials as him. Because of her constant use of controversies to generate hype around herself, the media and the law are not too keen on tracking her. But is that all there is to it?
Parry begins his investigation on Whotube, where she had posted a cryptic video about her seemingly planned disappearance. As Parry trudges the murky territories in cyberspace, he realises that both of them might be mere pawns in a diabolical game played by whotube, a video sharing site, now owned by the famous search engine Hoogle. It was no secret that Hoogle had paid too much for their new acquisition and Parry realises that Hoogle is desparate to get people addicted to their site.
As more celebrities and socialites continue to disappear,after messages posted on Whotube, the traffic in the search engine and its new acquisition soars. Parry begins to realise that this may not be a coincidence and there might be a sponsored link behind the seemingly random occurences.The tension mounts as new videos begin to surface on Whotube, showing the execution of celebrities amidst bizzarre religious ceremonies. Parry is now convinced that the search engine is not as hallowed as perceived, and the white homepage hides deadly secrets.

In a fitting finale to the series, author Howling pits the old school detective against the new age search engine. Can Parry Hotter feel lucky or will he become just another part of search history?

Still Trippin'

They almost threw me out when i asked them if i can get travel reimbursement for ego trips.

until next time, we need humour resources :D

Making my trip

The flight was delayed by over 2 hours, which meant that i was taking potshots at anything resembling a Go Air employee and in some cases, other passengers whose flights were on time :)

He: Have you scanned it?
Me: Yup, did that at home. Don't think i have forgotten anything.
He: I meant the machine, sir
Me: Then why don't you ask the machine?
********************************************

He: (while trying to elbow his way past me during the security check): (pointing to the machine): My phone's in there, let me through.
Me: (after letting him past): Where do you think mine is?
*********************************************

He: (while telling me to use the entry at the back of the plane) You can go behind.
Me: Behind who?
He: I meant backside
Me: Behind whose backside?
*********************************************
And as they kept running laps on the runway without taking off, i loudly sang "Udhale Udhale..."
*********************************************
D refused to allow me to have more fun. I especially missed asking the air hostess, whose name was Smitha, whether her first name was Silk.
In fact D was so rude, she pointed to me, when they came around with the trash cart.

until next time, way to Go?