Monday, April 04, 2005

Bollywood Dictionary for Dummies

actor: may land up in the couch for different reasons.
actress: the driving force on the couch .
blockbuster: a wonderful actress usually guarantees it .
behind the scenes: careful, thats where the news agency guys are..
climax: go on, pretend you dont know what that is .
call sheet:given to the actress/filmmaker to know when they are supposed to arrive and where .
camera: the filmmaker should always make sure there isnt one...
anti climax: when theres a news agency involved in what would have been a climax..
cartoon: thats what the filmmaker becomes if he gets caught .
casting: what they do after the couch .
casting couch: the couch used for casting .
chemistry: what the actress is supposed to exhibit on the couch .
costume: usually minimal .
credits: should be given for a good performance .
critic: they dont approve of the casting couch .
cross over: change in position on the couch .
cues: a good actress should always understand them .
debut: the actress' first couch experience .
dialogue: the actress' should be enticing, the filmmaker doesnt have any..
director's cut: when the filmmaker is a director.
documentary: boring activity on the couch .
double take: please see take .
extras: only if the filmmaker insists. with good performances, they might be a threat to the actress.
filmmaker: the guy to please on the couch, most often producer, but could also be director. actor, and yes, even villain .
flashback: a feeling of deja vu for the filmmaker .
flop:a non performer, but the actress to be blamed, never the filmmaker .
frame: thats what the filmmaker claims when he gets caught .
industry: a collection of filmmakers .
in-the-can: the trip to the loo after the couch activity .
lip sync: ideally the actress shouldnt, but refer take .
make up: kiss before doing it .
method acting: when the actress has done it before .
miscast: the filmmaker's excuse for a flop .
overacting: usually happens when the actress is faking .
plot: what the actress/news agency does to get the filmmaker on the couch .
preview: foreplay before the couch. usually only for big fimmakers .
release: refer climax .
remake: a repeat performance, usually happens due to lack of subject/actress .
screenplay: the activity on the couch .
script: a nitty gritty version of the plot .
slow motion: some filmmakers love doing it that way .
story: every actress has one .
take: you have to,if the filmmaker insists .
word of mouth publicity: what a blockbuster gets .
zoom: only deals with page 3 now, but would be interested in couch activities too..

until next time, Koffee on the Kouch??


amita said...

aww.. this is full of sexual innuendos.

Stone said...

LOL..boy that was a laugh-riot, thanks for a making this monday bearable :-)

Arunima said...

enough research has been done I guess.

Is this an old post? :-)

Ink Spill said...

Nobody gets time off work to do research such as this! Exactly what part of this system are you?

manuscrypts said...

amita: well, its bollywood :)

stone: my pleasure :)

manuscrypts said...

arunima: not exactly... (read the reply below)

inkz: meanie, i am not part of the system!!.. the research took all of 20 minutes, got a glossary from some site, chose the words i could use and voila!! :)

rapunzel said...

star-struck??;-) again???

IdeaSmith said...

I'd like to add...showbiz= fancy flesh trade

la devil said...

ROTFLMAO!!! hahahhahahahha!!! hilarious simply hilarious...yeh dil maange more!!

Ash said...

Was gonna congratulate you on your awesome research skills....and then I read your comment :x

But it is really hilarious :)
Do u remember the site u got it from ??

Nupur said...

oh!! A big boost to my vocabulary! LOL!!!!

manuscrypts said...

rapunzel: struck but aint stuck..last of the bollywood plugs.. :)

ideasmith: welcome... the way it is right now, have to agree with u. but i aint complaining..:)

manuscrypts said...

la devil: :)

ash: the site i took it from had proper techno jargon... i think the search keyword i used is 'filmmaking glossary'... finding the list was easy, the tough part was using them in this context..actually didnt have time, otherwise would have liked to do a proper research, but then, that might have spoiled the fun.... :)

blokes said...

wickedly funny;D

manuscrypts said...

nupur: uh oh... the wrong kinda education..:)

blokes: :)

Anonymous said...

are you sure youre a techie of some sort? mereko doubt, insider job types.

this one is brilliantly funny.

Anonymous said...

are you sure youre a techie of some sort? mereko doubt, insider job types.

this one is brilliantly funny.

Sqrl/NT said...

Brilliant..but tell me, is the couch a sofa or a loveseat?


manuscrypts said...

austere: i am a poor underpaid overworked marketing guy...:)

nt: er, mm, considering the stuff they do there, me thinks it would be a couch..

Anonymous said...

Laugh riot indeed! How have you been? Been a while..


Elixir said...

my personal fav is in-da-can.
i was actually in pun

manuscrypts said...

apple: hey, been good, and u??

elixir: umm, punny was the idea... but phunny is also fine..:)

J said...

hehe... that was awesome! how did miss reading it? More importantly, why cant i write stuff like this? :(